


Substitute

by bgrrl



Category: Smallville
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-12-25
Updated: 2011-12-25
Packaged: 2017-10-28 02:16:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,791
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/302636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bgrrl/pseuds/bgrrl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jason knows the problem, and the solution.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Substitute

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: Not mine, if they were Lex and Jason would still be chained up in a Chinese dungeon.  
> For kho's birthday. Happy B-day babes. Sorry it’s late.

Lex knows how to substitute. To replace what he needs with what, he can have. It started early. Lex needed love, craved it desperately. Without it all he could feel was pain. When his mother died, he wanted to crawl into the grave with her. He couldn’t, so he adapted. He learned to replace a mother’s love with a father’s discipline. He grew to crave Lionel’s punishments. The feel of his father’s fist made him forget all the other pain. He told himself that a slap from his father was the same as a kiss from his mother. As long as he had something the pain stayed away. Lex hated the pain    
  
Lex was quite good at substitution. Jason was a replacement for Clark. From the moment Clark’s lips touched his Lex had felt that familiar pain of need. He’d needed Clark to love him, to trust him. All Clark did was lie, and every lie added a layer of hurt. Friendship had dulled the ache for along time, but now that was more pretense than a reality. He needed something. The pain was constant now. He decided that Jason would do. Jason made him forget. When Jason was inside him there was no pain, no need, just an honest fuck. No hellos no goodbyes, just sex. Whenever the hurt was too much, he went to Jason.    
  
Jason heard the knock at his door, and knew it was Lex. Who else would it be at two in the morning? Lana would call first. Lex always came to him at odd hours, but Jason didn’t mind. He knew the pain could get to you at the most inconvenient times. He held no illusions as to why Lex turned to him. He was just a means to dull the pain, a hard, fast fuck to make you forget that no one cared. He knew it from the day one. The first time they were together, he looked into Lex’s eyes and seen pain, behind the lust. Jason recognized it instantly, because he used to look that way. He’d dulled his pain with alcohol, until he realized forgetting didn’t make it go away. You had to give in to the pain. You had to fall. The first time was the hardest, but it got easier. The more you felt it the less it hurt. Once you got past the pain you could feel other things. He needs to get Lex past the pain.    
  
  
Lex is about to walk away when the door opens. Jason steps back and allows him to enter. Lex pulls off his coat and drops it on the chair, and waits. Normally the door is barely shut before Jason pounces on him. Now green eyes are just watching him. The lust is still there mingled with something else. Lex is getting uncomfortable.    
“You do know why I’m here right?” Lex does his best to sound sarcastic, but he’s scared. If he can’t get this from Jason, he doesn’t know what he’ll do.   
“Go in the bedroom get undressed, and wait for me.” It’s a command but a soft one.   
Lex is half undressed before it occurs to him that this is the first time he’s been in Jason’s bedroom. They never make it this far, and he never stays when it’s over.  _It doesn’t mean anything._ He finishes undressing and waits.   
  
Jason takes a deep breath. He wants to do this, to help Lex.  _I’m not in love. I just don’t want him to hurt any more._  When Jason enters the bedroom, Lex is stretched out on the bed, stroking his already erect cock.   
“Stop.”   
Lex stops. He doesn’t know why Jason is doing this. Can we just get on with it?   
Jason slides his boxer down and steps out of them before walking over to the bed. He’s already hard. The sight of Lex touching himself never fails to arouse. Jason stretches out next to Lex. He leans over and brushes his lips across the millionaire’s mouth. Lex grabs the back of his head and crushes their mouths together. Jason immediately pulls away. Lex is pissed now. He doesn’t want to play games. He needs this. The pain is coursing through him, and he has to stop it. He sits up.   
“Jason, I am not in the mood for games. I need -”    
“You don’t know what you need.” Jason cuts him off, but his voice is gentle.   
“And you do.”    
“You need to feel it, let yourself fall.”   
Lex knows he could leave. He could drive to Metropolis, and pay any number of people to fuck him, but he doesn’t move. It’s getting harder to lose the ache. Maybe he could just give in.  _I’ve tried feeling it . . ._ When Lex was twelve he’d gone to his father sobbing, that it hurt so bad he wanted to die. He couldn’t stand missing his mother. He just wanted one more hug from her, one more kiss. Lionel pulled Lex to his feet and for one blissful moment he thought he wound find comfort. He was wrong. That was the day he got his scar.   
Jason can see the fear. “Trust me.”   
  
Lex wants to laugh. He hasn’t trusted anyone since he was nine.   
“Why because you love me?” He sneers. He waits. The lies always come. If he says he loves me, he’ll be worse than Clark.   
“Because I know, because I care.”    
That is more honesty than Lex wants to hear. He falls back on the bed and closes his eyes.   
“I can’t.” His voice is shaking.    
He can’t let Jason care, and he sure as hell isn’t going to start giving a damn about anyone. He can’t afford to. It hurts too much. They always die or leave or try to kill you or lie. What’s a little pain to you? A drop in the sea.   
He looks at face next him. It offers comfort. Perhaps he can have peace, just this once.    
  
He leans over and kisses Jason. The other man is kissing him slowly exploring his entire mouth, like they haven’t done this before. He pulls away and smiles at Lex before leaving a trail of kisses down his neck, his hand caressing the smooth skin of Lex’s thighs. Lex feels like he’s being destroyed. Jason’s tenderness is breaking him in away that Lionel’s cruelty never could. His pain is right here. Every gentle kiss, every caress reminds him of all the kindness he’s never felt. He’s not going to cry.    
  
Suddenly Jason’s hand is on his cock hard, slow strokes and that perfect flick of the wrist. Lex is moaning, his hips bucking trying to increase the speed. Then a soft, wet, heat surrounds his cock, and the pain recedes a little. Jason’s mouth is sliding up and down finding just the right rhythm. Lex tries to ignore the pain, and focus on that sweet mouth. He reaches up pushes two fingers into Lex’s mouth, and Lex sucks them eagerly. Jason slides his mouth of Lex and slowly pulls his fingers from that all to willing mouth. Before Lex can protest Jason is kissing him those fingers are sliding inside him. Jason his nibbling his jaw now. Those fingers are sliding in and out of him at an excruciatingly slow rate. He’s writhing on them like has no control. He tries calm down, the closer he gets to the edge, the closer he gets to the pain.   
  
  
Jason pulls his fingers out, and reaches for the condoms, and lube he keeps in his night stand. He slides the condom and slicks himself with the lube. Lex starts to turn over, and Jason stops him.   
“I want you to see my face.” Jason’s voice is rough but the kindness is still there. He puts his hand under Lex’s ass and tilts his hips up. He pushes in to Lex slowly inch by inch. When he’s fully sheathed he leans down and kisses Lex, but doesn’t move.    
“This is what you need. Feel it.” Then he starts to move, and Lex doesn’t think he’s ever felt like this before.    
Jason is hips are moving fast and he’s hitting Lex’s prostate with every stroke. Lex is jerking himself hard. He’s so close to coming and so close to the hurt.   
“Open your eyes.” The voice is a command and a plea.   
Lex doesn’t want to see Jason’s face, he’s not going to do it.   
Suddenly Jason is still. Lex can feel him shaking with the effort. He leans down and puts his lips beside Lex’s ear.   
“Open your eyes. Let go. Trust me.” Lex isn’t sure if his eyes open because he trusts Jason or because he wants to come. When he looks into Jason’s eyes he sees kindness, and affection, and understanding. All the things he’d been denied by past lovers, and old friends. Lex comes hard, screaming Jason’s name. Then he feels it as Jason is coming inside him, the pain. The knowledge that before now nobody except his mother has really cared. That all the people he was supposed to matter were only going through the motions. Sure Clark tried, but he always retreated when Lex needed him most. Lex feels Jason pull out and he turns away from the other man. He’s shaking with anger.  _Why can’t I ever be good enough._  Jason discards the condom and slides his arm around Lex’s waist, and pulls him close.   
“It gets better.” He says and drops a kiss on Lex’s shoulder. Lex starts to sob, Jason just holds him tighter. This was what he needed.    
  
Lex doesn’t know when he fell asleep but it’s morning. He wants to leave before Jason wakes up. He can’t face him, not after being so weak. He starts to dress. Lex sits on the edge of the bed and puts on his shoes. It had actually been nice to feel. The pain was bearable when there was somebody to hold you.  _Don’t dare_ . He wasn’t going to let himself believe he could have something, That they could be friends, maybe more. He’d done that before.    
“It was just a pity fuck.”    
He feels a hand on his arm. “It wasn’t pity, and you know it.”   
Lex hears the truth in Jason’s voice, he wants to turn around and see the same kindness in those eyes, but he can’t risk it. If he looks back and that expression is gone it’ll make everything that happened last night a lie. He can’t let that happen.    
“I’ll see you at three.” Business as usual. “Don’t forget the maps.” he walks into the living room and grabs his coat.   
“Stay.” It’s a genuine plea, and it’s the last thing Lex hears as he shuts the door.


End file.
